The world’s richest man took a short jaunt to the edge of space yesterday, and why shouldn’t he? After destroying brick-and-mortar retail and innovating new ways to dehumanize and exploit his employees, Jeff Bezos earned his seven minutes in (almost) Heaven. He even let future generations share in his adventure, inviting along a teen sidekick who paid millions for the chance. Sure, Amazon employees are subject to poor conditions, low pay, and brutal time management, and Bezos could have helped address any number of ills facing the planet we still actually live on with the money he dumped into the 11 minutes he spent (not actually) in space, but it’s his money (I guess?) and he can do what he wants with it (until, y’know, the revolution comes).
That doesn’t mean we can’t take pleasure in pointing out how abjectly absurd and pathetic the whole thing is. As pretty much everybody with a brain and a conscience has pointed out over the last couple of years, nothing sums up the extreme wealth disparity of late capitalism better than billionaires rushing to beat each other into outer space, while ignoring the problems here on Earth that their obscene fortunes could help alleviate. And since Bezos is already one of the easiest people in the world to make fun of, his short space trip was especially rife for great digs on Twitter.
Let’s jump into it. Here are the best jokes about Jeff Bezos and Blue Origin’s first human flight, which will apparently usher in a new era of commercial travel just to the very cusp of space, or something. Enjoy the tweets, follow the tweeters, and please God help me find the strength to stop shopping at Amazon.