5 Boozy Punches Guaranteed to Please a Crowd

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5 Boozy Punches Guaranteed to Please a Crowd

So, recently I went to a party where the hosts, who are dedicated cocktailisti, had decided on a theme cocktail that had to be made a la minute and one at a time. They weren’t rookies so I was surprised they had not foreseen how this meant one of them would be wrangling a shaker in the kitchen and missing the whole party because 98% of their guests didn’t know what Luxardo was or how to zest a lemon.

Don’t let what happened to my buddy happen to you! Shaker-induced Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is a bitch. Award show party? Spring fling? Whether you’re serving two or twenty, these drinks scale up, are festive and fun, and will allow you to enjoy your own event.

Jagermule Punch

jager punch.jpg
Created by Flinn Pomroy, Sweetwater Social

125 oz. Jagermeister
42.5 oz. Fresh Lime Juice
37.5 oz. Ginger Syrup
35 oz. Orange Spice tea (Bigelow’s is suggested)
60 oz. soda water (add to taste)
2 whole oranges sliced into very thin discs.

Directions: Combine Jägermeister, Lime Juice, and Ginger Syrup to punch bowl. Bring 5 cups of water to a boil and add 5 tea bags of Bigelow Orange & Spice. Remove water from heat and allow to steep for 6 minutes (You will have more tea brewed than you are actually going to use.) Add 35oz. of Bigelow Orange and Spice tea to the punch bowl. Stir punch vigorously. Add soda to taste. Top entire punch with sliced orange discs. Serve over ice in traditional Mule Tins or in another receptacle of your choosing.

Truly Sangria

truly sangria.jpg

6 oz. Truly Spiked & Sparkling Pomegranate
2 oz. red wine
Assorted Citrus Fruits (Oranges, mandarins, grapefruit, etc.)
Assorted Fresh Berries (Raspberries, strawberries, blueberries)
1 oz. brandy
1 oz. raspberry flavoring (ex: Monin or Torani)
Squeeze of orange and lime

Directions: In advance, soak fruit in brandy. Combine 6 oz. Truly Spiked & Sparkling Pomegranate and 2 oz. red wine in a red wine glass over ice and brandy-soaked fruit. Garnish with orange slice. Scale up depending on how many guests you’re serving.

Butterfly Punch

butterfly punch.jpg
Recipe by Absolut Elyx

12 Parts Absolut Elyx
6 Parts Lillet Blanc
24 Parts Chilled Jasmine Tea
6 Parts Orange Blossom Honey (1:1)
6 Parts Freshly Squeezed Lemon Juice

Directions: Combine all ingredients in a large punch bowl and stir. Garnish with sliced citrus and edible flowers.

Hammersmith Flyover Punch

flyover punch.jpg

12 Parts Absolut Elyx
17 Parts Coconut Water
8 Parts Freshly Squeezed Pink Grapefruit Juice
8 Parts Freshly Squeezed Lime Juice
5 Parts Fresh Pineapple Juice
2 Parts Agave Syrup (1:1)
2 Parts Freshly Pressed Ginger Juice
10 Dashes Angostura Bitters

Directions: Combine all ingredients in a massive punch bowl and stir. Add pink grapefruit slices and edible flowers to the bowl as a garnish.



OK… I also have to leave you with my own winter crowd-pleaser beverage. An apres-ski no-brainer and great for any time you want to heat things up, nothing really holds a candle to Glogg (though it does involve a match). A hot booze-fest with many recipe variants and claimed by both Sweden and my ancestral homeland of Denmark, this will awe and delight the uninitiated because you’ll be setting it on fire and that just always fills folks with glee because apparently evolution has not yet taken us past the point of being amazed by fire. If you have long hair please tie it back.

3 parts dry red wine (don’t blow the bank on the wine but don’t cocktail or cook with anything you wouldn’t drink on its own! A decent Rioja works great here)
1 part port (again, save the 20-year Tawny and go with something moderate)
1 part fino sherry
1 part Madeira
.5 part Aquavit or Vodka (avoid flavored or infused iterations of either. That dill-flavored Aquavit would be a disaster in this)
Brandy (you will have to eyeball this)
Assuming by “part” you’re going “bottle,” about 2 cups of sugar cubes
Stick cinnamon, whole cardamom pods (to taste; I like to use quite a bit of cardamom)
A few strips of orange zest (also to taste)
Blanched almonds
Raisins (or other dried fruits if you are feeling experimental)

Directions: In a large stockpot over medium-low heat, combine the wines and the vodka, add the spices and orange zest, and allow to come to a light simmer, stirring occasionally and not allowing to come to a full boil. While you do this, pop a small handful of almonds and raisins into your heat-proof mug-type thing of choice.

Fill a strainer with the sugar cubes and douse them with brandy. Set the sugar on fire (carefully) and ladle the punch through the flaming sugar. A lovely wreath of blue flames will now cover the surface of the pot. After everyone is sufficiently impressed and your sugar has dissolved, put the fire out by clapping a lid on the pot.

Ladle into cups, serve, and collect everyone’s car keys because that thing about heat destroying all the alcohol isn’t really true unless you’re stewing something for several hours.

You’re welcome.