I remember the first time I ever had a Long Island Iced Tea. I was 16, visiting California from the south and I ordered a sweet tea. The waitress didn’t know what a sweet tea was, so she brought me a Long Island. I drank it. It was awesome. And I don’t think I’ve had one since.
Some gin, some rum, some tequila, some vodka…the Long Island is a little bit like that mat shot your buddy paid you five dollars to drink back in college. And you’ll probably regret it just as much. The cocktail is, simply, a whole lotta booze meant to disguise the fact that it’s a whole lotta booze.
Okay, that’s not fair. There are plenty of people who love the Long Island and I’m sure there’s a good reason for the rest of us haters to order a Long Island Iced Tea every once in a while. For instance, if you’re at the wedding of your ex-girlfriend who’s marrying a former pro linebacker who’s found success in his second career as a venture capitalist, you should order a Long Island Iced Tea. You should actually order five of them and then set something on fire. I’m not suggesting you burn the wedding down, I’m just saying start a trash can fire in the back of the room during the best man’s toast to create a little excitement. That’s all.
Or maybe you should order one today, because it’s National Iced Tea Day. Yeah, I know, it’s a stupid holiday but it gives you an excuse to order the lamest, most frowned upon cocktail known to man. And don’t forget to clear your schedule, because tomorrow is National Hangover Day. Because you’re drinking Long Island Iced Teas, and it’s a simple cause and effect situation here.
If you’re too embarrassed to order the Long Island from the mustachioed “mixologist” at your favorite cocktail bar (and you probably should be) here’s how to make a decent one at home. First tip: ditch the sour mix and opt for fresh lemon juice instead.
Long Island Iced Tea
1 oz. vodka
1 oz. gin
1 oz. rum (white)
1 oz. tequila (white)
.5 oz. Triple Sec
1 oz. lemon juice
4 oz. Coke
Directions: Add the booze (not the Coke) into a shaker with ice and shake the bejeezus out of it. Pour it all in a pint glass (because who are we kidding, here) and top with the Coke. Add a swirly straw. Garnish with a lemon wedge. Go to town. If you’re a lightweight, you can cut the booze volume in half and add more Coke. But I say if you’re gonna do something, do it right.