Sunday night’s debate included a lot of bickering, threats of incarceration and scary body language on Trump’s part. But it managed to end on an after-school special note, thanks to town hall participant Karl Becker, who had the honor of asking the last question of the night. He chose to ask the two nominees vying to be the president of the most powerful country in the world, and the unofficial leader of the entire world, the following question, which would make Rodney King proud: “Would either of you name one positive thing that you respect in one another?” Hillary Clinton demonstrated either awful judgment of character or just politeness when she said she respected Donald Trump’s children. Donald Trump showed what actually appeared like sincerity and described Clinton as a “fighter” who “doesn’t give up.”
Mr. Becker became a viral sensation, trending on Twitter and praised as a “national hero,” who “did the unthinkable.” It’s clear that the people are thirsty, if you will, for a presidential debate attitude adjustment. Could the next debate strike a more civil tone? I know, dear reader, that this seems unlikely if not impossible. But you know what else seemed unlikely if not impossible? Landing on the moon! Finding a Polio Vaccine! Nominating two of the least popular people ever to run for President!
As is so often the case, we can— and must— achieve this spirit of reconciliation through the power of song.
The idea was inspired by one Moochi X, the editor in chief of Bull Moose News, who tweeted “This picture is hilarious if you imagine them singing ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’.”
On Monday, Paste compiled the best #DebateKaraoke tweets, but we don’t think we went far enough. So, without further ado, we present to you nine more duets Clinton and Trump looked like they were singing Sunday night. But this isn’t mere counterfactual nostalgia. It is a call to action for the next debate. It is our hope that Trump and Clinton will refuse to answer any the inevitably divisive questions that will be asked. Much like Sarah Palin gave answers that were unrelated to the questions asked during the 2008 debate, Trump and Clinton should respond to all questions by singing Karaoke duets. They can reject the partisan bickering in favor of bipartisan harmony.
1. Baby it’s Cold Outside
We would be remiss to not include the song that started it out. Because of the slightly rape-y nature of the lyrics, we’ve decided that the female part should definitely be sung by Donald.
2. Don’t Go Breaking my Heart (Elton John and Kiki Dee)
This playful but also profound song about trust and expectations would be a great bonding exercise for the two rivals.
3. I Got a Man (Positive K)
You probably had no idea but Positive K sang both the male and female vocals in this song. But that doesn’t make it any less duet-friendly. Again, in light of the recent tapes, the persistent pursuer part must be sung by Clinton. And besides, since Trump cares so much about his LGBTQ brothers and sisters, he surely won’t mind singing these man-having lyrics.
4. I Got you Babe (Sonny & Cher)
This song is so fitting, given that it deals with “little hands” and “Hill”-climbing.
5. Paradise by the Dashboard Light (Meatloaf)
Again, it’s extremely important that Clinton sing the part of the teenage boy impatiently pressuring a teenage girl to have sex with him.
6. Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)
Hearing Clinton and Trump sing about his humble origins will have everyone in stitches.
7. The Boy is Mine (Brandy & Monica)
This song would be a cathartic way for Trump and Clinton to express their competition and rivalry so they could keep their actual political discourse civil.
8. Dilemma (Nelly and Kelly Rowland)
This song would let Trump and Clinton prove their urban bona fides, which they desperately seek. Trump’s use of “boo” would highlight his familiarity with the nomenclature of what he calls “inner cities.” Clinton’s naming different geographical areas would allow her to catch up with Trump, who bragged about his familiarity with every part of the country during their first debate.
9. Kid Fears (Indigo Girls and Michael Stipe)
Because this song requires three voices, it would allow Clinton and Trump to welcome a third voice, that of Bill Clinton. This love-hate triangle would be so charged with mixed and conflicting emotions, it would bring the house down.