Futurama is a hilarious and incredibly quotable, show. However, no character is more quotable than Bender Bending Rodriguez. He’s a foul mouthed criminal and party animal, but he’s also a robot, which makes him that much more funny and awesome. Every fan of Futurama know that you could make an extensive list of great Bender quotes, but we’ve narrowed it down to 20 of the best. We chose not to include his iconic catchphrase, “Bite my shiny metal ass,” nor his second most commonly used word, “daffodil.”
“I hope he didn’t die. Unless he left a note naming me his successor, then I hope he did die.”
Bender makes this announcement in “A Clone of My Own” after Professor Farnsworth disappears. He musters a modicum of concern for Farnsworth—provided it doesn’t get in the way of bettering his own life. Bender always has his priorities straight, and priority number one is always Bender.
“We’re making beer. I’m the brewery!”
In the future, home brewing beer will evidently still be popular. It’ll just take place within the chest cavity of a sassy robot. What really makes this such a memorable quote is how chipper Bender is when he says it.
“Well, if jacking on will make strangers think I’m cool, I’ll do it.”
By inventing “jacking on” in “Hell is Other Robots,” Futurama gave itself an avenue for drug jokes and masturbation jokes. Here, Bender imparts a valuable lesson on peer pressure. Always do something that will make you seem cool. Being cool is to be prized over everything else.
“I’m so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.”
Bender may be a hard drinking, cigar smoking, carousing robot, but he still has self-esteem. When something punctures that self-esteem, he gets embarrassed. When he’s embarrassed, he wishes he could be all by himself. The most logical way to make that happen, of course, is for everybody else to do him a favor and die.
“Have you ever tried simply turning off your TV, sitting down with your child, and hitting them?”
Bender knows he isn’t a good role model for children. So when kids start watching him on All My Circuits and mimicking him, he knows the time has come to impart a lesson to the parents out there. This is the bulk of Bender’s advice.
“There. Now no one can say I don’t own John Larroquette’s spine.”
Has anybody ever told you that you don’t own John Larroquette’s spine? It hurts, doesn’t it? Bender just wanted to be able to put those naysayers in their place. If he gets one more skull and completes his Mouseketeer reunion, even better.
“Hey sexy mama. Wanna kill all humans?”
Granted, Bender says this in a dream. But it still gets to the heart of his romantic side. What robot woman doesn’t want to find true love during a night out, killing all humans?
“Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The ‘x’ makes it sound cool.”
Bender knows how critically important it is to sound cool. When you do anything, criminal or otherwise, the letter ‘x’ can really spruce things up.
“I got ants in my butt, and I needs to strut.”
Lots of people have ants in their pants. Bender, however, has a real flare for the English language. Also, he doesn’t usually wear pants.
“Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I’ll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ahh, screw the whole thing!”
When Bender is turned away from entry of a lunar lander, he immediately sets a lofty goal of creating an even more glorious lunar lander. Then he gives up on every part of his plan save one. Then he just gives up entirely. Staying motivated is tough.
“That’ll teach those other horses to take drugs.”
Bender is able to win big in a horse race after every horse except his is shot up with downers. It just so happens that Bender is also the one who shot them up. Still, it’s an important anti-drug lesson for the kids.
“That’s what they said about being alive!”
Bender says this in response to being told that he will like being dead. At his core, Bender always remained the robot who Fry met in line for a suicide booth.
“Game’s over, losers! I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves.”
Bender sells his body for cash. Though he is then just a head, he feels pretty high on the hog. As far as he’s concerned, he’s won at life—even when a dog uses him as a fire hydrant.
“Ah, Xmas Eve. Another pointless day where I accomplish nothing.”
The holidays can be tough, especially in the future where you have to worry about a murderous Santa robot killing you on Xmas. Bender, though, is able to relax with a little booze, and appreciate his life for what it is.
“O’ cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones—it bones for thee.”
When Bender finds himself hurtling through space, he’s able to be wonderfully poetic about it. Fortunately, he had his piano and candelabra with him, which allowed him to compose this simple verse.
“Honey, I wouldn’t talk about taste if I was wearing a lime green tank top.”
This is not Bender’s only catty quip about fashion in the history of the show. Bender may not ever wear clothes, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t entitled to his opinions.
“Hey, whose been messing with my radio? This isn’t alternative rock, it’s college rock.”
Bender clearly has a fine ear for music. He knows where Spin Doctors “Two Princes” falls on the rock spectrum. If you change his radio station, he will know.
“My story is a lot like yours, only more interesting ‘cause it involves robots.”
Bender knows what the creators of Futurama knew. Robots make everything better.
“I don’t remember ever fighting Godzilla… But that is so what I would have done!”
Here, Bender reacts to Fry’s Holophoner opera, which features a scene where Bender does, in fact, fight Godzilla. Or, rather, he tries to get out of the fight by pretending he has a doctor’s appointment—which, frankly, is the smartest way to fight Godzilla.
“We’ll soon stage an attack on technology worthy of being chronicled in an anthem by Rush!”
In a dream sequence, while he is made of wood and waging war on technology, Bender utters these powerful words. Clearly, his plans were ambitious. Rush doesn’t chronicle just any old attack on technology in song.
Chris Morgan is not the author of THE book on Mystery Science Theater 3000, but he is the author of A book on Mystery Science Theater 3000. He’s also on Twitter.