Life's No Cruise in Outlander's "The Doldrums"

(Episode 3.09)

TV Video Outlander
Share Tweet Submit Pin

Are you ready to take a cruise? I’ve never taken one, but if I ever do, I think I would want to have the pools and limitless buffet. Not moldy water and rations.

Jamie and Claire set sail for Jamaica to rescue young Ian. They’ve brought along their crew, Mr. Willoughby and Fergus. It turns out that Fergus is not going to be going alone, though—he brings along Marsali, and they announce that they’re married!

Jamie isn’t too excited about this. His stepdaughter and adopted son tying the knot without Laoghaire knowing is too much.

Sure, she sent a note, but that’s not enough for a mother who just lost her husband to her arch nemesis.

As it turns out, though, the couple is only handfasted, which means they aren’t married unless they have a wedding night.

Jamie decides he must protect her virtue and says that she will spend the night with Claire and he will be rooming with Fergus.

Claire is not amused. She’s waited 20 years for Jamie and now she is going to share a room with a girl that hates her.

These two are never together.

But it’s kind of OK that they aren’t sharing a room because Jamie is so seasick. Claire makes him tea, but nothing works. He just keeps throwing up.

Thankfully, after Mr. Willoughby explains to him that he might lose his testicles from so much puking, he decides to give acupuncture a try, and it works! He doesn’t tell Claire at first, but ends up spilling the beans a few weeks later.

He thought she would be upset, but of course, she is just happy that he is fine.

Eventually the group gets stuck at sea because there is no wind. They’ve hit the doldrums, and everyone gets upset.

Then the water goes bad.

And they decide to do like the Bible and throw a Jonah overboard.

Claire is appalled.

And one of Jamie’s crew can’t remember if he has touched the lucky horseshoe when he gets on board the boat, so he is going to jump ship.

Of course, the captain and the rest of the crew are already suspicious of Jamie because he has red hair and that’s bad luck. (Women on board are bad omens as well.)

At one point the captain suggests that Claire go barebreasted to protect the ship. She declines.

Ultimately, as a man is poised to jump to his death, Jamie saves him—and then Mr. Willoughby saves them all with a tale of how he left China because he loves women. And then it turns out that no woman will have him because they are prejudiced against him. It’s very sad, but he makes an impassioned speech and throws papers into the air and all of a sudden the wind picks up and everyone thinks it’s a miracle.

Of course, he just saw a bird flying low and knew that was a sign that rain and storms were coming.

Everything seems fine until, of course, another trauma meets them. A ship has a typhoid epidemic and Claire is called over to the boat to help.

She explains to Jamie that she can’t get sick because of her vaccination and off she goes.

Then the boat sets sail and she is essentially kidnapped.

I’m starting to wonder if Jamie and Claire will ever get to stay together. Maybe they should have just gone alone somewhere.

But then, we wouldn’t have a story.

Keri is a professional chatterbox who loves watching TV & movies, reading about pop culture, and gawking at any craziness on the internet. You can follow Keri on Twitter.