The 20 Best The Good Place Quotes

TV Lists The Good Place
Share Tweet Submit Pin
The 20 Best <i>The Good Place</i> Quotes

What up ding dongs? It’s a long forking time between seasons of The Good Place. The series ended its third season in January, and won’t be back for its fourth until September.

What’s a human/demon/artificial being to do? We gathered up our 20 favorite The Good Place quotes for your reading enjoyment. Hey, it’s better than watching a VHS copy of Cannonball Run II for the millionth time. So grab a slice of Hawaiian pizza and some frozen yogurt and enjoy the 20 best quotes from The Good Place (listed in chronological order). Remember, everything is fine!

1. “I mean somebody royally forked up. Forked up. Wait why can’t I say forked?” Eleanor (Kristen Bell) realizing how The Good Place feels about swearing in “Everything Is Fine” (Episode 1.01).

2. “Well, I’ve narrowed it down to two possibilities: yes and no.” Chidi (William Jackson Harper), summing up his entire worldview in “Everything Is Fine” (Episode 1.01).

3. “Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. That’s how we got Beyoncé.” Michael (Ted Danson) in “Jason Mendoza” (Episode 1.04).

4. “Here’s my best approximation of human crying: Baaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!” Janet (D’arcy Carden) in “The Eternal Shriek” (Episode 1.07).

5. “I wasn’t a failed DJ. I was pre-successful.” Jason (Manny Jacinto) in “What’s My Motivation” (Episode 1.11).

6. “They’re never going to call a train to the Bad Place. They can’t, because we’re already here. This is the Bad Place.” Eleanor with the game-changing revelation in “Michael’s Gambit” (Episode 1.13)

7. “I made a complete fool of myself tonight. I interrupted your big speech and badly stained my cargo pants, which, I have to admit, are quite comfortable. Oh, God, what’s happened to me? I’m praising off-the-rack separates!” Tahani (Jameela Jamil) in “Everything Is Great! — Part I” (Episode 2.01)

8. “I wish I could say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good. So I simply did myself.” Tahani in “The Trolley Problem” (Episode 2.05).

9. “I know it sounds crazy, but if it weren’t crazy they wouldn’t call it a ‘leap of faith.’ They would call it a ‘sit… of… doubting.’” Eleanor in “Leap to Faith” (Episode 2.09).

10. “Now we’re going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!” Michael in “Best Self” (Episode 2.10).

good place quotes 3.jpg

11. “I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” Jason in “Rhonda, Diana, Jake, and Trent” (Episode 2.11).

12. “Ugh! How do you smell loud and confusing?” Eleanor in “Rhonda, Diana, Jake and Trent” (Episode 2.11)

13. “Take my credit card to the hedge fund! I’ll meet you at the martini store!” Jason in “Rhonda, Diana, Jake and Trent” (Episode 2.11).

14. ”Fair is the stupidest word humans ever invented, except for staycation.” Shawn (Marc Evan Jackson) in “The Burrito” Episode 2.12).

15. “Well, my year started about a year ago…” Jason in “Everything in Bonzer!” Episode 3.01).

16. “No, this is the journalism department.” Janet explaining to Michael that the abandoned floor they’re on is not just for storage in “The Snowplow” (Episode 3.03).

17. “Dude! We can get mythical animals? Maybe I’ll get a penguin.” Jason
“Penguins are real.” Eleanor
“That’s the spirit, Eleanor.” They’re real to me too.” Jason in “The Worst Possible Use of Free Will” (Episode 3.07).

18. “Let’s all say white people things. Billy Joel! I found it on Etsy! There was nowhere to park! Did you fill up the Brita?” Jason in “Janet(s)” (Episode 3.10).

19. “Yeah, man. We’re refugees. What kind of messed-up place would turn away refugees?” Jason in “The Book of Dougs” (Episode 3.11).

20. “I was just in the middle of torturing William Shakespeare by describing the plot of the Entourage movie.” Shawn in “Chidi Sees the Time-Knife” (Episode 3.12).

Amy Amatangelo, the TV Gal®, is a Boston-based freelance writer, a member of the Television Critics Association and the Assistant TV Editor for Paste. She wasn’t allowed to watch much TV as a child and now her parents have to live with this as her career. You can follow her on Twitter (@AmyTVGal) or her blog .